Are you an extrovert or an introvert? In a world where social interactions already feel complicated a lot of the time, understanding our individual energy levels - including the types of activities which make us feel more energised vs tired and drained - can be really helpful and empowering.
It took me years to realise that I wasn't 'weird' just because I needed something different to many of my friends. I craved authentic, values-driven connections and rich conversation, while also needing acres of time alone after socialising. I was very comfortable in my own company, and very easily knocked off balance by others' low energy. Was I an introvert? An 'extroverted introvert? Or just someone with quite a sensitive nervous system who needed depth, space and calm to stay sane? I'm not sure I've ever reached a firm conclusion on that. But I do know that my preferences around how I spend time with other people are very strongly introverted. And that I'm at my best when I honour that, rather than trying to fight it.
If you're someone who's similarly on the fence, I can help! Here are three telltale signs which show that you bring more naturally introverted energy to your relationships:
1. You're not interested in surface-level interactions.
You'll do it to be polite, but deep down you crave meaningful conversations that ideas, opinions, emotions, and personal growth. You find 'small talk' boring because it doesn't excite or energise you. Your natural style is to listen carefully and take people seriously - you may also be able to 'read between the lines' and pick up on subtleties that others miss. You offer insightful, relevant perspectives rather than casual chatter, and your conversations tend to be quite thoughtful.
2. You naturally prefer quality over quantity when it comes to your friendships.
Large crowds are not your thing. Again, you'll do them when you have to, and may even enjoy occasionally spending time in larger groups. But it won't be your 'norm.' You'll get more enjoyment in smaller groups, surrounded by people you already know, or 1-1. Ideally in a cosy, intimate setting where you can feel comfortable and relaxed.
3. You need quite a lot of 'recharge' time.
On the occasions that you do spend time in noisy, crowded environments or larger groups, you'll need some peace and quiet to recover from the inevitable 'social hangover' that follows the next day. Without it, you're grumpy, withdrawn and on edge. We all recharge differently - perhaps you like to sleep in, go for a walk in nature by yourself or with a friend, read a book, play a video game, watch some television. If you find yourself back in a group setting again, you'll spend time on your phone or find a quiet space somewhere.
But however you do it, you'll be drawn to quieter settings, lower lighting, warmth, cosy fabrics and natural elements.
If these sound like you, then it's more than likely that you bring a more low key, introverted energy to your relationships. This isn't a limitation - it's a superpower! While it might sometimes feel difficult to see this in a fast-moving, extroverted world, remember that people with introverted leanings often have natural qualities that make them brilliant friends. Recognise that your craving for depth will help you find connections that are genuinely values-aligned, your listening skills will help others feel appreciated and valued, and your thoughtful side means you are considerate of others' needs.
Celebrate your introvert energy! It's not about changing who you are, but about learning to appreciate and harness exactly how you uniquely prefer to connect with the world.
